Reasonable Doubt

Man and woman meet. Then they date. Simultaneously, they fall in love. Man proposes. Woman says yes because she thinks it’s the right thing to do.

They live unhappily ever after.

Love. That’s what all us emotion driven creatures, women, want. Naturally, by universal social norm the next step is marriage. But just because you love someone doesn’t mean you should marry them. He proposes and she declines even though she loves him. It doesn’t make sense.

Like the cynical Miranda of SATC said, “Why is that reasonable doubt can get you out of murder but in an engagement can turn you into the bad guy?”

Now, I’m not engaged but I have been proposed to once. I was 19, and I just broken up with my boyfriend at the time because after a year of dating I was tired of him wanting to break up every time he got mad at me. So, his attempt to get me back was proposing and giving me the choice of whatever ring I wanted. Now make no mistake, I loved this guy but this wasn’t the answer. We weren’t making it as boyfriend and girlfriend and chances were becoming husband and wife wouldn’t have made us more compatible. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have even made it down the aisle – it would have been a very short lived engagement. I loved him, but even at 19 I knew that wasn’t enough.

Society puts us – women- between a rock and hard place: a ring and a vulnerable man on bended knee. How does one say no to that? It’s honestly the biggest set up ever. (Seldomly does the woman ever propose to the man and if she does…well that’s another article at another time.) That being said, men don’t feel this type of pressure. Sure it’s tough to propose to someone but so is having a menstrual cycle and bearing children. Recognize that love is not enough and that money isn’t everything. If you realize that you care about this person but just not enough to enter marriage with them, go ahead and break it off. Regardless of how much you love them, the chances of reconciliation of a successful and healthy relationship after turning down a marriage proposal are slim to none – no matter what a best friend, talk show host or a fortune cookie told you.

My advice to men: Get your timing right and most importantly, get the right woman. Make sure your lady wants to be asked in the first place. If not, you may feel rejection like you never felt before.

And to my fellow ladies: Really know what you want and OWN it. Just because you want to get married doesn’t mean you can handle a proposal. I think that’s why most women cry when they’re being asked.

It’s because they’re confused.

Look, some people are meant to date and some are meant to marry. Separate the two. (And if you are going to be with someone for 15 years, go ahead and marry them. It’s the respectable thing to do.) 50% of American marriages end up in divorce. Would the number of divorces have been lower had some of those women said ‘no’?

Take it from a woman who really wants to get married but will turn you down just to not become a statistic – even if she loves you. It’s not worth it, because I am. The question is: are you?

Woman gets divorce and moves on. She meets another man. Man and woman date. They fall in love. Man proposes and woman accepts because not only does man love her but is willing to work to keep them together.

And that’s how you live happily ever after.